Giving Thanks to the Automakers

It’s that time again. Time to give our thanks to all the automotive manufacturers for yet another wild and crazy year.

Convertible Range Rovers, 8,200 rpm muscle cars and a further infestation of SUV coupes. Yup, this year has seen it all. We laughed, we cried, we sucked up all the dynamism, functiontainment and powerfficiency we can take.

But what really stood out? What grabbed our attention quicker than half price diecast models at a flea market? Let’s break down what each manufacturer brought to the table this year, making us more grateful than retirees eating a 4 pm turkey dinner.

Acura

Whole. Lee. Crap. The NSX is actually here. At times, we weren’t sure if it would ever come to fruition, but there it is.

Alfa Romeo

Thank you for introducing a 505-hp car that no one will spell or pronounce properly. The Alfa Romeo, Google Quattocheese? Julia Gulia Quadrophenia? Whatever, that engine sounds badass.

Aston Martin

Thanks for allowing every rich Trekky to own a Vulcan of their own.

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Audi

Thank you for continuing to RS all things and for the completely all-new, radical styling departure on the Audi A4 and R8 (yes, that was sarcasm).

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Bentley

A hearty thank you for proving what the world really needs – a quarter-million dollar SUV that can run upwards of 187 mph. Next up should be the half-million dollar pickup truck that runs 10s in the quarter mile.

BMW

Thank you for the new king of the 2 Series. The one everyone can’t wait for. The car that emulates BMWs of old. The all-new 2 Series Active Tourer M2.

Buick

Buick’s cars are *insert over used old person joke.* You know who likes to drive Buicks? *insert slight revision on above joke, ensuring punch line is still about old people* But seriously, the new Lacrosse looks great.

Cadillac

We love the ATS-V and the CTS-V and thank you for them. But there’s been an oversight. Where’s the supercharged 6.2-liter Escalade-V? You know you want to do it!

Chevrolet

Thank you for the onslaught of new models this year; it’s keeping us employed.

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Chrysler

Thanks for making sure the minivan doesn’t die out. And for doing something new by making a hybrid version available.

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SEE ALSO: Giving Thanks to the Automakers in 2014

Dodge

Thanks for bringing back the scat cars. Our 10-year-old maturity levels are working in overdrive.

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Ferrari

Thanks for proving that a turbocharger does not ruin a Ferrari. Oh wait, you did that already in 1984 with the 208 Turbo and again in 1987 with the F40. Never mind then… keep up the good work!

Fiat

A big thanks for answering enthusiasts’ prayers the world over and putting a turbocharged engine into a Miata. Also, thanks for using a vehicle name that isn’t “500-something-or-other” in North America.

Ford

Thank for the dozens of future YouTube fail videos of owners “drift-modding” their Focus RS into various road side objects. PS. The Ford GT is kinda cool too.

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GMC

Thank you for building a small(ish) diesel pickup truck that Americans have been demanding for quite some time. Now, let’s see if any of them actually buy it.

Honda

Thanks for keeping us entertained with the new Si and the upcoming Type R. We’re hoping a Pilot Type R is on the way too!

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Hyundai

Thanks for separating the Genesis into a new luxury brand. If Notorious B.I.G. was still alive today we’re certain he’d change the line to “Super Nintendo, Hyundai Genesis, When I was dead broke, man I couldn’t picture this.”

Infiniti

Thank You for…no wait, where’s our Eau Rouge already?!?

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Jaguar

Thank you for the F-Pace, which could be the future Face of Jaguar. (see what we did there?)

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Jeep

Thank you for running with the marketing gold of using a hit song that happens to share its name with your latest vehicle model in all its ads. Now, could you talk to your Dodge cohorts across the hallway about Scatman John’s 1994 hit?

Kia

Thanks for electrifying the soul of the, er, Soul. We got quite a charge out of driving it. It was shockingly good.

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Lamborghini

Thanks for making the mere two cars you produce seem like a dozen or so thanks to the multitude of special edition models upon special edition models. We may need a cheat sheet to tell them apart.

Land Rover

Thank you for giving all the children of rich Malibu parents something to drive to Rodeo drive on sunny days because OMG, the Evoque Convertible is totes cute!

Lexus

Thank you for focusing this year on a core product with real-world, consumer relevant focus – the Hoverboard.

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Lincoln

Whoa. New design language! We feel a bit déjà vu for some reason though…

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Lotus

Thanks for answering the question “Just how many different ways can you sell an Evora?”

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Maserati

Thank you for continuing to make an exhaust we want to marry and have children with as well as creating vehicle names no one can ever pronounce.

SEE ALSO: Giving Thanks to the Automakers in 2013

Mazda

Thank you for bringing back a turbocharged engine. You know what sounds great? Having 301 lb-ft of torque in the CX-3. Make it happen.

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McLaren

Thanks for showing the world that British automotive engineering isn’t dead and for making the affordable 570S. We’re sure dads everywhere are lining up to trade in their Toyota Camrys.

Mercedes-Benz

Dear Lord, that AMG V8 exhaust note is magnificent. Wait, maybe this is the one we want to marry and have little babies with.

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MINI

Thank you for introducing a new four-door MINI that isn’t called the four-door MINI because the four-door MINI name was already taken by the four-door MINI which isn’t the same as the new four-door MINI.

Mitsubishi

Thanks for refreshing the Mirage to look like it’s from this millennium. And thank you for keeping the old stalwart Lancer alive and kicking.

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Nissan

Thanks for bucking the trend and flipping your middle finger at the new generation of lightweight pickup trucks. 7,000 lb. half tons FTW!

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Porsche

Thank you for adding turbocharged engines to the non-turbo 911s. And thanks for showing us just how out-of-shape we are with the Cayman GT4’s non-adjustable carbon fiber seats.

Ram

Thanks for taking the torque wars to ridiculous levels as all those lifted 3500 Rams on 30-inch chrome wheels will need all 900 lb-ft. of torque.

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Rolls-Royce

Thank you for beginning development on a new SUV. You should be masters at this as your cars already weigh as much as an SUV.

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Scion

Thank you for the memories. And thanks for all the fish.

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Smart

Thanks for the new fortwo and finally putting the single-clutch semi-automatic transmission out of its misery.

Subaru

Thanks for another year of sexy concepts. Could you please put one into production this time around without changing a thing?

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Tesla

Thanks for being the masters of the buzzword. Ludicrous mode and Falcon door sound like rejected Transformers, not features on high-priced electric vehicles.

Toyota

A massive thanks for building a modern Back to the Future Tundra and for making Huey Lewis relevant again, if just for one day.

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Volkswagen

Thank you for creating the first major recall campaign that many owners want to voluntarily opt out of.

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Volvo

Thanks for the XC90 that proves an SUV can be both different and good. Now please continue with twin-charging all things.

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